I Have a Nasty Mind....

It starts the minute I wake up in the morning...before I even get out of bed.
"Mhmmm you were snoring again....ugh, I have a sinus headache!!!" 

In the shower the one-sided dialogue continues....
"Wow! You can't even bend over to clean your feet- you are getting old"

Looking in the mirror minutes later after getting dressed -
"Look how tight that shirt is on you - obviously those 100 situps a day are not helping that Budha belly"

While applying makeup...
"Hmmm that new face lotion you spent a pretty penny on is not helping the 'fine' lines around your eyes and mouth....I don't know why they call them 'fine' lines- they are certaintly not good looking at all!"