Dinner isn't Taco Bell tonight sweety!

I am not a great cook which is amazing considering I majored in chemistry in college. I mean all you have to do is mix the ingredients together and follow the directions- not so hard when you consider I was mixing volitile chemicals everyday at school.

Sadly most of my failed menu experiments ended up in Bo and Fritz's dog bowls. Bo, a huge black Newfoundland and Cocker mix was a stray who would eat anything I gave him. Fritz, a spitz however was my picky eater. He turned his nose up at most of my meals and yes lots of meals were thrown away in this house. Sadly I don't think the starving children in Africa would have eaten these left-overs. Due to my lack of experinece in the kitchen and our lack of funds since I was in dental school, we ate out most of the time...usually Taco Bell. It was cheap and filling but also tiring after a while.

When I was in dental school I got a hankering for a great homecooked meal from my past- ham and scalloped potatoes. Freddy, my husband got very excited about this prospect considering I was planning to go to Taco Bell. He was so excited in fact that he went out to do lawn work so he could work up a huge appetite.

I called my mom long distance and wrote down the recipe exactly as she recited it because we all know I am not a great cook. I set about mixing all the ingredients and put the concoction in the oven at 350 for 45 long agonizing minutes. Freddy came in to inspect my progress. We both decided that the smell of dinner was simply too much to bear and this is exactly the reason we firmly believe in eating out for every meal. Unable to stand the wonderful smells emitting from the oven any longer he informed me he was going to mow the lawn of our elderly next door neighbor Mrs. Cox.

With pure joy I removed the casserole from the oven when the timer went off. It looked incredible. It was bubbling and steaming. I was so very excited about this meal that I set the table with real plates and silverware - no paper plates tonight. I placed the casserole dish in the center of the table - the distinguished place of honor. Unable to stand it any longer I scooped out a small bit and tasted it. It was still incredibly hot but oh so scrumptious.

Excited I scooped out another spoonful and ran out the door to Mrs. Cox's yard so Freddy could have a preview of what was to come. This dish tasted so good I thought about inviting Mrs. Cox over for dinner. I crossed over into her front yard with the spoon of my wonderful casserole extended. Freddy blew on it for a second then tasted it and stated that I had pegged this one. He cut the motor to the lawnmower and said 'forget Mrs. Cox - this is too good to share.'

Imagine the looks on our faces when we went through the front to the beautifully set table with the casserole dish placed perfectly in the middle - completely empty.

Not a trace of my wonderful casserole - the dish licked clean and the sound of two dogs frantically lapping water from their water bowls to soothe their scalded tongues. Freddy totally lost it. He screamed at the dogs. I was inconsolable until Mrs. Cox cautiously stuck her head in the doorway to see what the commotion was all about. She felt horrible that the dogs took advantage during my absence to collect Freddy. She graciously handed me a ten dollar bill and so sweetly said " here go to Taco Bell- my treat.'

Well at least the dogs liked it.....