'OFFICER DOWN' A Wife's Worst Nightmare

January 30, 2003

I was at work that Thursday and not feeling very well.  I was nauseated I had to reschedule a wisdom tooth extraction.  Which is incredible because if I had started that extraction I would have been put in a bad position 15 minutes later when the West Memphis detective came to inform me my husband had just been shot.

I was laying my head down for a minute in the employee breakroom when I heard the commotion.  A man in the front office was demanding to speak with me.  He would not tell my staff why he needed to see me but stated that it was an emergency.  I went up front and introduced myself.  He demanded that I get in his car immediately but would not state why.  I backed away and told him I was not going anywhere with him.  Finally he stated he was a detective with the West Memphis Police Department, and that my husband had been shot.  He said my husband was still alive at this time and he was being airlifted to the Med Regional Trauma Hospital -it was imperative that I left with him immediately.  I told him I would leave with him in just a minute and went to the back of the office and called dispatch-spouses of police officers are typically paranoid.  I wanted to verify this fact before I left with a man I did not know.   I felt so sorry for the woman who answered the phone.  She didn't speak at first when I asked if Freddy had been shot -then through tears she said 'Yes Debi I am sorry he has been shot.'  I thanked her and hung up the phone.

We sped away in the police car.  Sirens blaring and lights turned on.  I could hear the officer's blowing up the car radio.  The detective called someone and told me Freddy had just been airlifted.  I asked him to inquire if Freddy was breathing on his own.  He hung up the phone and said yes Freddy was talking and had sustained one bullet wound to his face.  We rode in silence for a minute and I started to inquire about the person who shot Freddy and he  interrupted me and stated that there would be no trial.  I looked over at him and he said Freddy had expired the suspect.  

My throat was bone dry and I kept swallowing to try to wet it.  He had a can of Dr. Pepper in a cupholder and I looked up at him and he stated it was old and hot but I was welcome to it.  I didn't even know this man but I drank from his day-old Dr. Pepper can as the car flew over the Mississippi Bridge into Memphis.  I could hear the helicopter whirling over my head and prayed as I watched Freddy take his first helicopter ride... to the trauma center. 

I knew I needed to call family but I could not remember any of the phone numbers except my childhood home number.  I have never had to make such a difficult phone call before or since.  My step-mother answered the phone and I said 'Freddy has been shot'.  She could not hear me because the sirens were blaring and I screamed into the phone that Freddy has been shot.  I could not hear what she said back and kept asking her to repeat herself then I just hung up the phone because we were approaching the hospital.   

Police officers and television crews were everywhere.  A Memphis police officer opened the car door and took my arm as I got out of the car.  Another officer fell in beside me and took my other arm as we rushed up to the door.  Officers were lined up on either side outside and inside the building.  None of them caught my eye.  They stood stoically staring forward at attention.  One of them told me later that they couldn't bear to meet my eyes because they couldn't imagine their own wife in this situation.  

Once inside the front door we stopped at a counter.  I took out my health insurance card and tried to hand it to a woman.  She was crying and stated that our insurance was not necessary.  I inhaled sharply and felt my knees buckle.  The police officers cradled me in their arms. I  feared she didn't need my insurance card because he had bled out during transport but a voice inside my head whispered 'no he will be fine.'

One of the officers asked the woman if 'Officer Williams' was still alive and she said yes they were taking him out of the helicopter now but they didn't need my insurance card because the bill would be paid by the State of Arkansas because he had been shot in the line of duty.

We were directed down a hallway. There were more officers lining the hallways.  A single blue line of officers flanking the hallway. None of them meeting my eyes.  However, quite a few of them touched my arms and shoulders as I walked to the Trauma Room.  An elevator door opened and there was Freddy laying on blood soaked sheets on a gurney talking away to the flight nurse and a doctor.   He looked up at me and all I could think of to say was 'I am sure glad I didn't marry you for your looks'.  I reached down and kissed him on the forehead and they asked me to stay in the hallway while they assessed him.

A nurse came and took me to a small room.  There were already people in the room- I didn't know any of them.  They said they were advocates for officer's families and they would help me place the phone calls.  They took my cell phone and I told them the names to call.  I felt a weight lifting off my shoulders because the news was hard enough to tell my step-mother.  I knew I was not in a position to call Freddy's mother and tell her that her first-born had been shot.   Brother Wayne Clark; our minister, showed up and a nurse came in and told us Freddy was critical and the bullet was in his spine and they were not sure he would survive.  An officer next to me started sobbing.  I heard that little voice in my head again whispering 'don't listen ...he will be fine'. 

My minister stated that we needed to make arrangements to get my son Dalton because the shooting was all over the news.  I gave them the name of his school and they contacted the principal.  Marion officers started piling into the room as well as the staff members.  People from Marion and West Memphis showed up as well.  Everyone was hugging me and crying and I just stood in the middle of all these people not crying and totally silent.

This felt like a nightmare - not reality.

I just listened to that little voice in my head that kept repeating...'he will be fine'.  A nurse told me later I was in shock.

A nurse took me to see Freddy.  His cheek was gone.  I could see his sinus and orbital bone.  When he breathed in and out his sinus pulsated.  I had seen these structures on a corpse during my gross anatomy class my first year of dental school.  I never imagined that I would see a living, breathing specimen...my husband.

He was in good spirits and he was holding the hand of his best bud Dennis Burns.  I looked up and saw his workout buddy looking in through the window and he gave me the thumbs up sign.  A nurse came in and said they were taking Freddy to get a CT scan and I was welcome to come. 

While Freddy was getting the CT scan I was directed to a small waiting room. There were about six people in there waiting on their family members.  They were glued to a small TV hanging on the wall in the corner.  I looked up and saw a Marion Police car racked with bullets and a bloody hand print on the door. There was blood all over the side of the car and on the ground.  I had never seen so much blood.  I was beyond shock.  I listened to the people's statements.  They were aghast.  They were stating they were glad the SOB who shot the officer was dead.  I felt nauseated.  I left the room and went to the restroom.  I could hear people outside the door - they had followed us up to the CT room.

Suddenly I heard one of the officers bellow out ..."Where is Debi?"  Someone stated that I was in the bathroom.  He yelled "Y'all left her alone!?" and crashed through the bathroom door.  I was in a stall and he asked if I was okay.  I answered yes and he went into the stall next to me and started urinating.  I laughed and said to myself  "that's a man for you" just as he yelled out his pee was blue! The officer had been undergoing a procedure when the 'shots fired' call came through.  He said he ripped the IV out of his arm and yelled to the doctor that he had to leave.  I informed him between bouts of laughter that he was going to live...he was simply peeing the dye out. 

Once Freddy was transferred back to the trauma unit I was informed Dalton was on his way to the hospital.  The doctors wanted Freddy to see his son before he went to surgery.  I wanted Dalton to see his dad but Freddy looked horrible with a hole the size of my fist in his face.  The nurses told me they would clean Freddy up and Dalton would not see the extent of his injuries.  A friend of the family retrieved Dalton from school and  I was later told that when Dalton got to the hospital news cameras and reporters tried to catch footage of him being carried in the hospital but the fine officers who were standing watch protected my son's privacy.  I am told one officer got directly in the way of the camera and demanded that they turn it off.

Dalton was brought to me and he looked shaken and pale. For the first time tears came to my eyes as I explained to him that Daddy got hurt at work but he was okay.  I broke down on the last part because I felt like I was lying to Dalton because we really did not know at that time if he would live.  Brother Wayne put an arm around me and started talking to Dalton.   A nurse came and told me they were ready to take Dalton back to see his dad.  I picked him up and hugged him. He was so tiny for 8 years old but he informed me he was old enough to go into the trauma room.   I took a deep breath and carried him into the trauma room praying that Dalton was not telling his daddy good-bye. 

As we walked between the beds and curtained areas I kept whispering in Dalton's ear to keep his head down on my shoulder.  Blood and misery were everywhere.  Machines were buzzing and people were crying out in pain.  We finally got to Freddy.  Gauze was covering the side of his face.  I put Dalton down and Freddy spoke to him and took his hand.  Dalton started crying and then Freddy was crying.  Freddy told Dalton he loved him and wanted to play catch-they both loved baseball.   Dalton said he loved him too but it was time to go home now.  We all laughed and I took Dalton out.

My sister called and I tried to talk but could not form the words.  I could not verbalize- I tried to form words but I could not make a sound. She stated they were on their way from Little Rock and my fear that they would speed took over and I told them Freddy was holding his own.  Then she couldn't speak either so we both hung up.  I think that was the shortest phone call we had ever had.   I talked with Freddy's brother as well.  That phone conversation did not go well either. Thank goodness for the wonderful support system I had around me.  I have never been at a loss for words or unable to talk...until that moment.  I needed my voice to soothe our family and my loved ones but I had no voice - no words. 

Finally the doctor came to talk with me.  He stated the bullet was still lodged near his spine and I needed to make two decisions.  The first was whether to leave the bullet in or not.  If they tried to retrieve it Freddy could be paralyzed.  If they left it Freddy could have future complications.  They said that over time the body would wall-off the bullet and it should become stable.  The surgeon advised leaving it alone - I was relieved and agreed. 

The second decision regarded blood transfusion.  Freddy had lost a lot of blood and was going to require multiple surgeries.  He stated Freddy was in impeccable shape and would probably do fine without transfusion but requested permission to give him blood if necessary.  I agreed.  I learned later that Red Cross centers all over the Mid-South area were full to capacity with officers and well-wishers donating blood.

Freddy was moved to a private room in the trauma unit.  He had so many officers and friends in his room that the nurses had to limit visitors to family only.  The put a huge sign up in the entrance of the trauma room:  Family Only.  Not that it did any good.  Officers would go up to the nurses desk in full uniform and inform the nurse they were his family.  Black officers, hispanic officers - they were his family....the nurse would look at me and I would nod my head.

Freddy never stopped talking the whole time.  He told the story of the shooting over and over to anyone who would listen - and everyone wanted to hear it.  It amused me because he was in true police officer form as he told the story 'facts only'.  He repeated his story word for word without deviating-every time...hundreds of times. 

Finally one of the nurses gave him a sedative and as he was telling the story he dosed off.  People in the room started chuckling as I took over from where he left off telling the story for him....word for word without deviating - holding his hand.