It took a hysterectomy to turn me into a woman. (Excerpt from What I Do So I Can Do What I Do)

I have had Endometriosis since I was 14 years old. This is a condition in which endometrial-like cells appear in areas outside the uterus. I would experience severe cramp-like pains in my stomach and down both my legs. I was on Depo-Provera for years because my periods were so heavy and painful I could not get out of bed for days. My doctor and I found that Flexeril (a muscle relaxer) helped relax the uterus and that would ease the cramps but left me in a drug-induced stupor. Even on the Depo-Provera I would have mild to severe cramps throughout the month based on the ebb and flow of the estrogen in my body.

There is no cure for Endometriosis but my doctor stated I could have a total hysterectomy when I got to age 40. He stated the longer I could live with the condition the better because once I had surgery I probably would not be able to do hormone therapy because the estrogen would still affect the tissues in my body with the endometrial tissue growing on it.

College and dental school were challenging because I never knew when I would be debilitated with the cramps. Therefore I developed the habit of studying ahead and completing all my assignments immediately. On the few days I was pain free I cleaned the house from top to bottom because I knew it would be weeks before I was totally pain free again. This was evident in the way I cooked and bought groceries. On the days I felt good I would go to the store and buy everything that was not perishable for the next three weeks. Often would get frustrated because I would buy foods to cook for dinner only to watch them go bad before I felt well enough to cook. To this day I wonder if that is why it is difficult for me to plan and cook meals. I never developed the habit of cooking every night because most nights I spent trying get pain free to be able to function the next day. Needless to say planning for anything was difficult and some of my vacations were spent curled up on a bed with a heating pad.

A miracle occurred while I was in dental school. I became pregnant. This was incredible because most women with endometriosis are infertile. The nine months I spent pregnant were great because they were cramp free. Since age 14 I had not gone that long pain free. Too bad I was heavy with child or I would have been skiing, surfing and doing all the things that normally set the cramps off. The doctor told me sometimes the endometriosis symptoms disappear after delivery – I was so hopeful. However three days after I brought my baby boy home I ended up back in the hospital due to the endometriosis.

Once I graduated and started my practice I missed a lot of work due to the cramps and this would frustrate me because I never knew which days or how long it would hit me. Usually I woke up in the middle of the night with cramps and I would feel so terrible knowing I was going to have to call in sick that morning without giving my patients any warning at all. While I was attempting to ease the pain at home I would get so frustrated (which did not help the pain) because I knew I would go back to work the next day in pain and be busier than ever because my assistants had to double book patients. This was a vicious cycle. My assistants can tell you that many days I worked with sweat rolling down my face due to the force of the cramps which mimic contractions during childbirth. This did benefit me in one way however, when I finally had the hysterectomy I blew through the surgery with flying colors. I took three weeks off work and barely took a pain pill.

I went through ‘surgical menopause’ because both my ovaries where removed. Surgical menopause was fast and furious. The hot flashes at night were intense especially since I was still recovering from the surgery. Once I was able to return to work I found that exercise alleviated the hot flashes. I used to joke that I could either ‘sweat in the gym or sweat with the hot flashes’. I took the hot flashes in stride however because I reminded myself they were nothing compared to the cramps I had felt.

It took about a year before the endometrial cramps went away permanently. Actually that is not true - I still have to avoid certain foods such as soy because the estrogen content will set me off again. Living without stomach cramps was a new experience for me. Before surgery I would start these ‘exercise programs’ and would lose a couple pounds – gain some muscle and then I would get cramps and be down for 10 days. During that time all I could eat were saltine crackers and other starchy foods so the weight would bounce back. Once I had surgery I was able to work out consistently and the weight came off and stayed off. I remember spending the first year post surgery in awe that I could run or lift weights and not have cramps.

I remember being nervous before surgery. I had heard so many horror stories about menopause. I knew it would not be gradual for me and I would not have years to get used to the changes. I would wake up in the recovery room with menopause slapping me in the face. It really was not that awful and contrary to popular belief I did not lose my mind or turn into a witch. I remember my husband going with me to consult with the doctor before surgery. He was afraid I was going to ‘change’ and become mean. The doctor told Freddy that menopause simply takes the female hormones away so that I would become less nurturing. I would actually be ‘more like a man’. Freddy chuckled then and said “so what your saying is she’s not going to be a bitch she’s going to a bastard.” I like to think I became neither.

Other changes occurred as well. I started wearing nicer clothes. Before surgery I would wear clothes that did not bind my stomach as that would set off the cramps. I also started wearing something I never had worn before- jewelry. Before surgery I felt like crap so much that I didn’t bother. Half the time I didn’t wear my wedding ring because the bloating would make my fingers swell. I will never forget the look on my sister’s face when she came to church and saw me dressed up with makeup and jewelry. She stated “You feel better now don’t you? Wow it took a hysterectomy to turn you into a woman!”