Dinner isn't Taco Bell tonight sweety!

I am not a great cook which is amazing considering I majored in chemistry in college. I mean all you have to do is mix the ingredients together and follow the directions- not so hard when you consider I was mixing volitile chemicals everyday at school.

Sadly most of my failed menu experiments ended up in Bo and Fritz's dog bowls. Bo, a huge black Newfoundland and Cocker mix was a stray who would eat anything I gave him. Fritz, a spitz however was my picky eater. He turned his nose up at most of my meals and yes lots of meals were thrown away in this house. Sadly I don't think the starving children in Africa would have eaten these left-overs. Due to my lack of experinece in the kitchen and our lack of funds since I was in dental school, we ate out most of the time...usually Taco Bell. It was cheap and filling but also tiring after a while.

When I was in dental school I got a hankering for a great homecooked meal from my past- ham and scalloped potatoes. Freddy, my husband got very excited about this prospect considering I was planning to go to Taco Bell. He was so excited in fact that he went out to do lawn work so he could work up a huge appetite.

I called my mom long distance and wrote down the recipe exactly as she recited it because we all know I am not a great cook. I set about mixing all the ingredients and put the concoction in the oven at 350 for 45 long agonizing minutes. Freddy came in to inspect my progress. We both decided that the smell of dinner was simply too much to bear and this is exactly the reason we firmly believe in eating out for every meal. Unable to stand the wonderful smells emitting from the oven any longer he informed me he was going to mow the lawn of our elderly next door neighbor Mrs. Cox.

With pure joy I removed the casserole from the oven when the timer went off. It looked incredible. It was bubbling and steaming. I was so very excited about this meal that I set the table with real plates and silverware - no paper plates tonight. I placed the casserole dish in the center of the table - the distinguished place of honor. Unable to stand it any longer I scooped out a small bit and tasted it. It was still incredibly hot but oh so scrumptious.

Excited I scooped out another spoonful and ran out the door to Mrs. Cox's yard so Freddy could have a preview of what was to come. This dish tasted so good I thought about inviting Mrs. Cox over for dinner. I crossed over into her front yard with the spoon of my wonderful casserole extended. Freddy blew on it for a second then tasted it and stated that I had pegged this one. He cut the motor to the lawnmower and said 'forget Mrs. Cox - this is too good to share.'

Imagine the looks on our faces when we went through the front to the beautifully set table with the casserole dish placed perfectly in the middle - completely empty.

Not a trace of my wonderful casserole - the dish licked clean and the sound of two dogs frantically lapping water from their water bowls to soothe their scalded tongues. Freddy totally lost it. He screamed at the dogs. I was inconsolable until Mrs. Cox cautiously stuck her head in the doorway to see what the commotion was all about. She felt horrible that the dogs took advantage during my absence to collect Freddy. She graciously handed me a ten dollar bill and so sweetly said " here go to Taco Bell- my treat.'

Well at least the dogs liked it.....

For Dog Lovers - Rutroe Part One

Freddy and I drove to Hamburg, Arkansas to get him.... about four hours away. I thought it was stupid to travel four hours to pick up a puppy but a friend owed us money and said we could have the pick of the litter. His father was a huge lab of 120 pounds, his mom pretty big too - her name was Diving Duchess. Her owner was happy to show us how she earned her name. He threw a stick into a pond in their backyard and she went top speed and dove into the pond and disappeared under the water for at least 10 seconds to retrieve the coveted stick. This was incredible since she was still swollen from puppy-birth with her eight breasts and all.

Freddy checked out the selection-eight wiggling chocolate fur fat-bellied lumps of love. The adorable little runt wagged her way over to me- she was precious, so sweet and gentle. But oh no... forget that. Freddy discovered love at first sight. A hyperactive massive puppy had firmly planted himself in Freddy's lap. Freddy took one look at him and said isn't he great .... I said he looks like trouble.

The owner said both mom and dad were great hunting dogs and this dog would make a prize hunter. Imagine his dismay when Freddy stated the he did not hunt ... this would not be a hunting dog.

During the drive home he slept in my lap. All curled up, smelling so sweet-awww puppy breath. I fell in love too.

After a few days he earned his name - Rutroe from Scooby Doo because we were always saying
'ruh roh' when he ran into things or knocked things over. He was a terror on four paws. I believe he weighed 80 pounds by six months. He was too much for me to manage. Taking him for a walk was misery- he would bruise my wrists and hands trying to hold on to him. We decided he needed obedience training so we decided that I would take him to the classes because I was having such a hard time controlling him.

At the time I owned a small Grand-Am. Driving to Memphis with Rutroe was an adventure in itself. He spent most of the drive trying to sit on my lap. I went to the store and bought him a doggie seat belt harness that would secure him in the backseat and it did for about 20 minutes - the time it took him to chew through the harness so that he could climb back onto my lap.

Registering him for class was a nightmare - he wanted to meet everyone there and their dog.
The owners and their dogs went to the center of a large room to begin learning to be a good dog. All the dogs were intimidated ....except mine. I spent the entire 45 minutes trying to corral this cow of a dog and keep him off everyone else. The instructor suggested that I RUN him for about an hour to get him worn out before the next session - great I want to RUN this 80 pound dog, and for an hour? Then we were supposed to endure 45 minutes of class?

Well before the next lesson I took Rutroe to an enclosed softball field and threw a stick to him for 45 minutes - it was great .... he slept the whole way to the obedience class. Bad idea when we got there he was CHARGED AND READY TO GO AGAIN!!!

I complained constantly about this dog. There was something wrong with him. He must have doggie ADHD. I inquired whether Ritalin was available for dogs.

After six weeks we were preparing the dogs for the last session in which we would be judged in front of our families. I am not an advocate of being in front of crowds, especially with an extroverted brown beast. My husband and son were looking forward to seeing all the tricks that Rutroe had mastered. I warned them that we would be doing good if he sat still and did not run into the crowd.

The day of the contest arrived. I was trying really hard to love this crazy animal. I sat down next to him and after minutes of me wrestling him off of me I pinned him to the ground. I looked him in the eye and implored whether he could be a good dog for ten minutes and attempt to not embarrass me. He stared intently into my eyes and for a second I thought I got through to his big thick scull. Then he stuck his huge twelve inch wet slobbery tongue out and swipped it up my face.

We entered the floor. Everyone was looking regal. I caught my husband's eye and he gave me a 'thumbs-up'. We went through our paces. Sit, stay, heel - he performed them all like a pro. The final challenge was an obstacle course of sorts. We had to walk a certain path showing that the dog can exercise control no matter enticements are planted along the way. I was very nervous and I had a death grip on Rut's lease. Sweat was rolling down my back - all eyes were on us. Suddenly I felt a tug on the lease and I looked down. Rutroe had stopped and was looking up at me and nodded his head to the left. Of course! In my nervousness I was about to lead him the wrong way. I think...I don't know. I was confused. I was getting off course. I froze. I couldn't believe that after all this practice I couldn't remember which way to go. I looked down into his eyes and he looked back at me. In his eyes I saw wisdom and love and they seemed to say "relax, I got this - come this way" so I relaxed, smiled and loosened my grip on the lease and off we went to the left. We completed the course and won first place.